Jeanette: I’m Navajo, Two Spirit, and in my 50s.
Do you want to talk about why you joined the military?
Jeanette: I joined, because I wanted to go to Europe, to be a vagabond, to have a backpack and go to all these places. The cheapest way for me to go to Europe was to join the army. Back then—in the 70s, 80s—they had commercials where they emphasized the idea that if you wanted to travel, you could do it by joining the military, and I think a lot of recruiters were also stationed in areas where jobs were scarce.
You mean you didn’t have all this family money to travel to Europe?
Jeanette: [laughs] No, I had to do the Native sacrifice. I went to a recruiter and I said, I want to go to Europe, but I only want to do two years. He said I’d have to join for four years if I wanted to go to Europe. I thought about it and decided I could make that sacrifice, and I spent four years in the army, stationed in Germany, and eight years in the National Guard. I participated in Desert Shield/Desert Storm as a combat medic in Kuwait/Saudi Arabia.
What was it like to be in the military as a Two Spirit person?
Jeanette: I didn’t come out until after my time in the service, in 1996 or so. I served in the 80s, when being in the military and being gay was not appropriate. Everybody was very hush hush. They were afraid to come out for fear of being discharged.
Once in Germany, I was invited to a party, and it was all women. I walked in like, Where are the guys? They were like, Oh no, there’s no guys here. I felt awkward, you know? It was an undercover event, and I thought, I’m not cut out for this. I left the party. I don’t know why, but I felt so upset about it.
After coming out and having a female partner for 16 years and calling myself Two Spirit now, thinking back, I’m like, Why? Why did I have that feeling? I was attracted to women, but I always thought that’s not appropriate being in the military. You’re just so confined to this strict, heterosexual life.
When I came back, I went to college in Durango, Colorado, and I had a classmate, who I thought was a lesbian. Her presence was strong in that sense. At first it irritated me, but over time I started developing feelings. We both brought each other out, you know? That was in the early 90s. I was still struggling with coming from the Navajo culture with a traditional upbringing. I felt like I would disappoint my family. I was hesitant, but I had one cousin who was very in tune with spirituality, and I said, I have something to tell you and I’m not sure if you’re going to be upset, but I’m having feelings for this woman. She was like, “So?” It caught me off guard, because I was so concerned about disappointing my family. That was the first time I was able to really tap into Two Spirit life.
It’s complicated.
Jeanette: It’s complicated. Since then I’ve considered myself Two Spirit and been more focused on having relationships with women. Love is love no matter who you’re with, but it’s just different with women. The emotional support is there, and understanding. Though that doesn’t make everything easy. I was in a relationship for 16 years and married, and having that not work out I find myself struggling sometimes with where I should be in terms of relationships, telling myself I’m not ready. I’m still nurturing that side of me, I’m still trying to figure it out.
When you are in Two Spirit and Indigiqueer spaces, how visible are you as a veteran? And do you think that the community can hold that? Is it a community where you can talk about being a veteran easily?
Jeanette: I try not to expose myself as a veteran unless it comes up. I haven’t really been able to associate that with other Two Spirits as a commonality. It’s hard with veterans. We don’t like to talk about what happened. Especially people who have gone to war or who have experienced traumatic events. It’s hard to talk about.
It sounded earlier like you were talking about the stress of not being able to imagine even thinking about being queer in the service. You were in a hyper-masculine, hyper-heterosexual environment, so those possibilities didn’t open up for you. You can’t be the only Two Spirit person who’s had that experience, so I’m wondering when I’m out here meeting Two Spirit people and I don’t see a veteran presence, and no one’s talking about it, if many of them have an experience similar to yours?
Jeanette: Yeah. When we go to powwows and stuff, they always recognize veterans, because they’re the warriors, but I don’t gravitate much to that. As a Native American, we come from histories of war. The government took the Navajos to Fort Carson and took our land. A lot of that stuff comes up for me when I think about war, and I think that’s part of my reluctance to recognize myself as a veteran. But that’s ironic because I work in veteran services.
Is there any particular way that you’d like to be considered as a veteran by our Two Spirit community?
Jeanette: You know, there’s not an organization of Two Spirit veterans. I’m not familiar with one. I think finding veterans and having them tell their story, if they’re open to it, just having a conversation, the way I’m talking to you, that type of conversation is needed to recognize our Two Spirit veterans, to let them know that they can be acknowledged in our spaces as a veteran and Two Spirit both.
Artwork by Lorenzo Yazzie, find more of their work on IG @hozho_life
